Sorry Taylor, but today was not a fairytale. Take your banjo elsewhere. (I beg you)

Why hello, it's Friday.
If you didn't know that, you either live in Australia or under a rock. But yeah, TGIF and all that jazzy jazz...
To be honest, (Gurrrrl*, you know I always am) I've had better days. And by better days I mean I've been happier eating dog food. Let me elaborate. But only for a short while, because nobody wants to hear complaining. People just want to complain and want YOU to shut the fuck up and listen until they're done. And then they'll walk away, and you'll be left with negative vibes. Nuh uh. Not fun, I know.
*When I type, I tend to talk in my head. And when I'm typing I've lately been adopting a Tyler Oakley way of speaking, such as adding "gurrrrl" to random sentences. Don't know who Tyler Oakley is? Wow, you're an idiot. But here's his youtube so you can redeem yourself: http://www.youtube.com/user/tyleroakley

Moving on, about my bad day. It's not that my day was horribly horrible, it just brought out the gawky, graceless, unskilled, awkward side in me. Like, I'm talking, cringe-worthy instances.
I was assigned the task to walk my dog up to the groomer (a good 25 minute walk when your dog's fucking 90 and pees on every available pole), and because I'm a good girl hahahahah I did so. In the snow (Canada sucks).
When I arrived, I couldn't open the gate. I stood there for a good 3 mins until she came outside and told me the simple trick: Pull the yellow string. Ah, yes. How did you know I am fluently telepathic? That was my first instinct.
Putting up a sign wouldn't hurt.
Regardless, I dropped him off and turned around to leave. It took me another 4 or 5 mins to figure out how to open the gate. AGAIN. After fiddling with every doodad and gizmo in front of me, I simply pushed the gate. And it opened.
Well, okay, that was my bad.
Ahem.
I had to wait for an hour and a half, and didn't want to walk all the way home, so I headed to the nearest "diner" for coffee. When I entered, I was already feeling awkward from the gate episode. To make it even better worse, two waitresses just stood and stared at me say something you dimwitted fools and so I was forced to stutter out some awkward intro, that went something like this, "Hi, I'm going to be here for a while. I was wondering if I could get a muffin and coffee?"
My God*, I'm cringing just repeating this. However. There are so many awkward, problematic things going on in that sentence I won't even bother to begin. (I'm pretty sure they don't give a damn how long I'll be there.)
*That doesn't exist.
In my defense, how the fuck was I supposed to know what to do? Once again, there was no sign directing me.
Luckily, I only paid them $3. Which is about three dollars more than I felt comfortable handing these idiots.
Anyways, you're thinking, this has got to be the end of her awkward moments today? Not quite. I went back to the groomers (successfully opening the gate) and retrieved my dog. When I was thanking her, my gum flew out of my mouth. Onto the carpet. In her house.
Aye.
I stumbled to pick it up, while wearing mittens, which it of course stuck to. I'm still trying to get the gum out. Then, I got the hell out of there with my rat of a dog.

Ladies and gentleman, and so I digress:

The moral of the story: PUT UP A FUCKING SIGN. IS THAT SO HARD? NOT ALL OF US ARE TELEPATHICALLY INCLINED LIKE YOU.

That's all,
Jaina