Heidi 3.0

IT'S WEDNESDAY!
Hey people.
I'm sure you can tell by the title that I'll be discussing none other than your favourite reality TV star, Heidi Montag. Or as I like to call her, FrankenHeidi.
Here's the thing-I was following Heidi on Twitter back in the day, however, her 'PRAISE JESUS!' tweets got a little too intense for my little feed to handle. Hence, I unfollowed. I'm sure she cried that night.
Since then, my uninterest in her clearly sparked some sort of crazy wire in her brain, because she went out and did the following: eyebrow lift,  fat injected in her cheeks, nose job, ears pinned back, lip injections, chin shaved down, back shaped, breasts redone (DDD), inner/outer lipo.
I got this off of the premiere episode of The Hills (research purposes only) in which her new face is introduced with this one-liner to her Mom, "What? You act like I have a new face or something."
Ha ha ha.
Hysterical.
I thought that her unveiling would be a lot more comical, but for the most part, it was just depressing. 
You'd think that with all those procedures, she'd actually look good, right? But no, she looks like washed up 40 year old pornstar. 

Well that sucks.


I mean, you spend big bucks to get all this foreign stuff injected into you, and what do you get? A creepy new face I wouldn't pay 2 cents for that brings your mother to tears. 
That's the reality of Hollywood. There's like 1% of the population feeding into all that "perfection" stuff, and the rest of us forget to shave our armpits in the shower.
So there you go. If you ever win the lottery, you can cross "complete body makeover circa Heidi Montag" off of your list. If you even had that there. If you did I'm going to have to question your IQ. I'm going to assume it's low. Like, Heidi low. (I guess that would make sense.) 

And then we've got good ole Mr. Plastic Surgeon Man saying she was doing it for her career. 


I just have a question.


WHAT CAREER? The one where she struts around in low budget (and by low budget I mean, filmed by Spencer Pratt aka Dirty Rat Bastard, on a camera shittier than mine) music video on the beach singing her 99% computer sung songs.  You'll laugh. I promise.

Oh okay, thanks for clearing that up.
At the end of the day, she'll just become another has-been, reality TV whore who's probably divorced (let's hope it's because Spencer falls off a cliff) who sits at home, talking to her twelve cats and leaving stalker breathing messages on LC's phone.
And the rest of us with natural cleavage will still have the priviledge of riding rollercoasters.  Which is really all that matters.


Ciao.