Okay, I know.
I've been a very bad blogger.
As in, my last entry was posted in about 500 A.D.
Truthfully I have no idea what that means exactly, nor do I care because I have an inkling it relates to the Bible and/or Jesus. However I do know it was a damn long time ago, which is quite accurate.
Well okay, June 23.
Same thing.
Life has been interesting, I suppose, for lack of a better one word description. I guess assuming I would be faithful in updating my summer adventures was a little too...assumptive. Again, look at me, lacking words.(In fact, I originally wrote 'assumptuous' but apparently that isn't a word according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I have been living a lie). I need to brush up on this blogging business because school's coming up and frankly, there'll be a lot of encounters with braindead teenagers that will make for kick ass entries on here.
So that, my friends, is a carefully disguised apology. I'm not very good at saying I'm sorry and anyway, I'm not entirely sorry. And I'm not one to be fake.
Let's just move on, shall we?
Yesterday I returned from a quick trip to the United States, which was made solely for the purpose of spending my parent's money on 'back to school' (back to prison) clothing. It included a six hour car ride through boring ole Ontario and New York state, made survivable only by my ipod (aka Tegan and Sara/Bright Eyes on repeat). Irrelevant sidenote: I went to a Tegan and Sara/Wintersleep/Ra Ra Riot/City & Colour concert on Saturday. Let me just say, I have never seen so many blue mohawks/mullets or lesbians in one place, like, ever, in my seventeen years of life. I also wasn't aware of Dallas Green's religious following; and by religious I mean they're willing to purchase butt ugly t-shirts that resonate with an Ed Hardy feel. That's dedication. (He was okay, I mean, if you like that whiny-all-the-songs-sound-the-same-im-so-indie-with-my-bandmate-who-wears-a-sombrero-style-hat type deal. Personally, I'll stick with Tegan and Sara who, FYI, rock.) Seriously, and I don't even have a crush on them. Although they are damn adorable...but all I have is a strict love for their music, I promise.
Besides, I wouldn't have a chance.
Back to my previous topic: My trip may have also included the incessant mocking of America. Not to sound ultra snarky (I'm sure I will anyway), but I'm starting to re-think my decision to move there. Did you notice that people don't say "you're welcome"? Perhaps it's just the select people I spoke to while in Pennsylvania, but when you thank someone, the best you'll get in return is a half-hearted 'uh huh' or maybe, if you're lucky 'yep.'
What is WRONG with you people? In Canada, we'll apologize for someone else stepping on your toe. Now that's fucking fine hospitality, if you ask me.
I suppose if I went to the South again (it's been about five years since I drove through Kentucky/Tennessee/North Carolina/South Carolina) I would be greeted with politeness. Or so I hear. However, I'm skeptical. The last place I intend on moving to is a place surrounded by people with southern accents and hair teased up to the ceiling. Oh, and I'm not big on greasy, fried food.
I was thinking more about moving to New York City (rude people unite!) or Chicago (even though I really hate that musical, like, with a passion) but now I'm wondering if I'll ever get over the whole aspect of, well, America. First off, their money is a mind blowing thing. Did you know it's ALL ONE COLOUR? How the fuck do you know what you're giving or getting? I guess you could take 2.5 seconds to check, but it's so much easier to have a colour coded system like we do. Bam, blue five dollar bill. Bam, green twenty.
Also, who had the genius idea to invent one dollar bills? What could possibly be more useless? You could be fooled into thinking you've got tons of money, when all you've got is a shitload of one dollar bills. How completely disappointing.
Secondly, what's with you sporty American girls? I mean, I'm not necessarily complaining, but everywhere we went I saw girls in sports clothing. Like, shorts and t-shirts and the whole nine yards. Some were even carrying Coach bags while wearing sports shoes and the rest. Is this a fashion statement exclusively reserved for you guys? To be honest, I've seen better looking people in my own city. And I live in a small city, population thirty-one thousand to be precise, full of people who've scratched their faces off during a meth trip.
I mean, put on some real clothes.
This is making me sound shallow, and I swear you guys, I'm a person who is willing to look past some sports attire. If anything, the Coach purse is what would turn me off. I'm just throwing it out there, for an obese nation you sure wear your exercise clothing like it's a dress off the fucking runway in Paris.
That's all for now, folks. Remember, saying 'you're welcome' is good manners.
...Like I have any right to preach good manners.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
